so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
