did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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