So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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