seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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