Me. At least after what I've been through.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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