I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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