y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
