we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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