she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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