My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
