you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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