He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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