I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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