Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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