Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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