I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
