By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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