Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
