the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
