i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
