i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
