I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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