when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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