cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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