The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
