Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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