so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize