I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
