your room smells of hookers.
And success
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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