my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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