you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
