Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
