Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
