Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
