the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
