I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
