There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
