I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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