The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
