When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You've changed since you got that strap on
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
