eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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