Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
