I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
