last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I need to wash the frat house off of me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
