Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
