On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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