It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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