Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
