My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dear god my vagina.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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