Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
