Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
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I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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