I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
