im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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