he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
