I want to walk on stilts...naked
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
