I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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