I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
