And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
