I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
