Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
