She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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