Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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