yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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