their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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