It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
