do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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