saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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