i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
