$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
