You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
