it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
