I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
