to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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