I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
