i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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