I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
